I hear the alarm bell in everyone's head going off. All models are wrong, what if your action(s) fuck it up, whatever it is. Well, was that your original intent?
Clearly not. You thought that action would yield the desired outcome. In fact, the downstream consequences of inaction are so severe, my conjecture suggests the Paolucci inequality holds in every case.
No rational agent acts against their own self interest (more generally their utility function, which may encompass irrational action toward oneself for another, still rational!). We must accept that we are operating in a game of incomplete information. That our actions may yield the unintended consequences.
Nevertheless, we can step up to the plate again, and again...and again. That doesn't make failure any more pleasant, but it is a necessary psychological crutch to avoid white knuckling the helm.
Recently, I've been white knuckling the helm.
I have dreams of improvement and expansion. Dreams of running my hedge fund, visiting more universities for seminars, creating and building more.
After the loss of my Discord server, I was so scared of losing more of what I had built from nothing. I dug my feet into quicksand. I tried to protect my garden at the expense of the garden. I became paralyzed by choice and inaction. I fell into the classic trap after rebuilding my server, brick by brick. Then what?
Inaction.
It feels safe, it's known, action requires uncertain, potentially negative outcomes.
Ephemerally, so afraid of regression and necessary iteration to make progress I refused to take steps forward. It impacted my work, business, and personal relationships. Getting out of bed was hard, but nothing was happening.
All of the sudden, the schedule of creating a video on Tuesday and Friday became suffocating. I could do a 12 hour work day like nothing. Now roughly a few hours in a week to produce these lectures felt impossible? Inaction.
During this time I had some incredibly kind folks reach out via email offering words and discussions to help me loosen the grip on the helm. They reminded me exactly why I do what I do. Why I created Quant Guild in the first place, and where we are going which inevitably demands Action + Iteration.
To the folks that reached out to me, thank you. We're just getting started.
- Roman